I used to say this all the time. I used to tell kids that x, y or z was "not a choice"...when they were clearly doing it.
I said it so much it wormed its way into my regular conversations and my stories about work, and my roommate had a dream that I told a burglar that robbing us was "not a choice"....so he left.
I don't say it anymore. "Not a safe choice" sure. "Not a good choice" or "Not a respectful choice" perhaps. But whether choices are good, bad, safe, choices I would make, or choices that seem to make sense...they exist. There are consequences for all of them...but there's not much that isn't a choice.
There are times when I have not given an option. Going to a quiet space when you're screaming is non-optional. I enforce those limits, obviously. But I've found "not a choice" slipping out of my vocabulary, replaced by talk about making safe/good/helpful choices, to the point that it grates on my ears when I hear others use it.
I don't know what difference it makes. I just know that my kiddos are starting to make the choices I'd prefer them to make that lead to positive outcomes, regardless of what other options are on the table. And for now, that's quite enough.
